Greetings from Earth
August 2, 2015Oh dear.
Oh. Dear.
It has been over six months (that’s an entire HALF of ONE YEAR which is a long time, hey…) since my last blog post, and I do sincerely apologize to all of you for being so completely out of touch—my one, two, perhaps three cyber-fans out there? Hello to you guys, and thank you for your constant support.
A lot has happened between January 1st and now, August 2nd, 2015 (as they do) so I’ll try (as I do) to keep things as concise and relevant as possible. Hmm. But how. Perhaps I’ll start with what hasn’t changed much in my life?
I still do yoga. A lot. My practice is as strong as ever, and even though I’ve admittedly been a bit lackadaisical (a couple of “Oops, that night went on longer than I meant for it to…thanks to YOU guys, four extra beers!” and jet lag-infused nights/mornings/who knows prevented me from mustering up enough energy to go upside down and inside out down at The Centrium) with attending my usual 6 to 7 classes a week (it’s whittled down to about 4 or 5—STILL more than the average “yogi” but not up to par by my personal standards, haha) I’m still as much of an eager beaver as I always was to attend my 12:45ers with Lisa and Shelle or my 10:45 Vinyasa 2 with Joakim on Thursday mornings…and of course, la pièce de résistance, Sunday’s 3:30 Upside Down Sri Dharma Mittra-inspired creative takes on head, shoulder, and handstand poses COMPLETE with teacher J’s usual playlist featuring our faves: Sade, D’Angelo, Maxwell, The Roots, Common, Erykah Badu, MJ of course…the list could go on. But it kinda stops there. We know what we like.
What else is same same? I’m still a photographer. Freelance, yes. Family, yes. Yoga portraiture, yes. Work has been slow this summer—not ideal, but not abnormal for Hong Kong either. It seems like everyone scatters throughout the three months (not yet over, we’ve still got August to get through) but JULY. Oh man. This place was a literal Ghost Town. Suffice it to say, I wasn’t getting much work while people were off in faraway (read: sunny/exotic, I almost gave up on seeing Mr. Sun here in HK) places…getting married, mostly, as far as I could tell from social media. Haha. I could only make one out of maybe ten that took place? Or partying. That’s why people leave this place, right? To party elsewhere. Global party hopping. What a world we live in, and how privileged many of us are that this is even a possibility.
Anyway, I digress.
I am still outwardly defined (“defined”) by the same two things (“things”) that I have focused on exploring/turning passion into dinero (plata, money, dollars, bling, cash, however you want to put it, the struggle is REAL and continues…haha): YOGA and PHOTOGRAPHY. HOWEVER, and here we go, truthfully a couple of not-so-fun experiences related to my photography really shook me up back in April and of course we take these things with a grain of salt and get back on that horse, lessons learned and all (“Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger,” it’s true) but that isn’t to say that I am not a human being without emotions (and unfortunately, an ego, but it’s a tiny one, I promise) and of course I was left with a bit of a sour taste in my mouth: about certain people, my talent/skills, my actual work (think edited images) and most of all, myself.
“How could I let this happen?”
And then…I, the LOVER of all things LOVE and BABIES and CHILDREN, suddenly felt less (self-) pressure to go there, “there” being that next stage in my life: marriage, motherhood, whichever comes first, it doesn’t really matter to me. It doesn’t. My entire life, all I’ve wanted is my brood of five BOYS. I will accept 4 boys and 1 girl as a second option, but the point is, I want to be a mommy. Why I’ve always made it such a “thing” though, I have no clue…all I can tell you is, it suddenly (or should I say finally?) dawned on me that I’m young. I’ll always be young (at heart) and this is my time. I should enjoy all the Beatrice time while I can.
Note: Sometimes…you want something so badly in life, you almost repel it instead of getting what you “want.” Whether this refers to jobs, lovers, children, that puppy in the window, this desire, this “want” can blind us from what is already out there and/or in front of us—people or things or (work) options that may actually be better for us—and (think about this, please) better than what we want: they may be who/what we need. And of course, as life goes, we won’t realize this until later…or much later.
Anyway, that’s what I’ve been doing for the past few months. Focusing on me. Yoga’s still there, and I’m still shooting steadily (bar the eerie, sunless, PENNILESS month of July) and have recently wrapped another baby yoga shoot. Gotta love the girls over at Sassy Mama as they have been my constant (and consistent) cheerleaders since I embarked on this photography journey of mine. This week I’ll be shooting one of my most beloved lady friends in HK (again, for Sassy) and then…AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN my girl Claudia is coming back for the second round of #OMFESTHK which will be taking place THIS COMING SUNDAY. So, once again, like last year, I will get to marry two (out of three ain’t bad, thanks Meat Loaf) of my loves.
I guess what I’m trying to say is…I’m still here, I’m still me, I’m still doing the same stuff I was doing when the clock struck midnight and in waltzed the year 2015, but on a more personal note, I’m not as much of a “Yoga Nazi” (the nickname many people have given me, haha…or is that not really so funny? Who knows, I mean it holds some water…) as I was a few months ago (don’t mistake that for: I’m not going to classes) and everywhere I look—on Facebook, Instagram, whatever your jam is—there is some yoga chick (GUILTY! Or dude) in some colourful yoga clothes (GUILTY) doing some sort of “Hey, look at me! BE IMPRESSED!” pose (GUILTY) which is normally an inversion (GUILTY) haha. I’m making fun of myself, in case you can’t tell. But now, seriously, I’ve got my serious face on here, THEY’RE EVERYWHERE. I am no longer special in front of or behind the camera. iPhones and “I’m a yoga teacher, I don’t make much money” responses are rendering this area of my photography career useless.
But hey, that’s life. The only constant is change, and we are living evolutionary lives, people!
Love, babies, a family…my non-existent kids? Still want ‘em all. But maybe this shift in pace in my race to get to the proverbial finish line has affected the pace of my work as well. July didn’t help, of course, and I could be using myself as an excuse for what has been going on (not enough, in short) with my photography work, but it hasn’t faded completely away is what I am trying to say.
Time for a recalibration, or recognition of the recalibration that has been going on.
I’ll be back with a vengeance and BELLS ON MY FREAKING TOES on Sunday and am looking forward x 1,000,000 to seeing all your familiar faces out there…the old (“old”) friends I have had for years, the NEW friends I’ve made THIS year—whoever you are, please come out and support me, Beatrice. The girl who does yoga and takes photos and sometimes gets paid to teach or do one or the other. My life is good, I’m just waiting for a few things to…shall I say it? Click.
